Uncertainties of Life

Do you believe there is a god?

I didn’t think I was going to ask that question. Not like that answer truly matters anyway. But maybe it does, and if it does please leave a comment below.

All I want is to write something profound, something that stands out and makes an impact on another soul's life.

I’m so caught up in the idea that I must write something that matters, but does anything truly matter? This moment could matter now, but will it matter in the future? Is there a future? Or is it only now?

Each day seems to be getting harder. I find myself quick to anger, which is quickly diffused by exhaustion and melancholy. I want to sleep all of the time or watch tv. Both of which are entirely unproductive events that do not contribute to my goals in life. However, they make the time easier to live with.

There is a hunger inside me that craves change but another part of me screams, terrified of every new situation.

Along with that hunger and fear, there is an urge, a desire to go, to travel, to see, and I have the opportunity to take it. I must take it; I will take it.

I want to leave now but now is not the time. So I will wait. I will wait until my time has come. Everything around me is speaking to me, helping with this opportunity to experience new places and ideas.

I love the comfort of my home. How my bed feels when I fall into it at night. How the blankets morph to my body and embrace me softly. How this place and the people I have met have changed my life forever.

Note: I enjoy how I completely switch topics 100% of the time. Another note, I can’t tell on what level of sarcasm I said that with.

Well, now I am lost and in a completely different place. Or is it the same place you have always been?

Hello, the person who is reading this, you know people who jump from one thing to the next, never landing on anything, in particular, I feel like that is me. Or maybe I fall face flat on something, and whatever I am holding onto I grip so hard that I cannot let go.

This paradox doesn’t make any sense to me.

I am now talking in nonsense.

I feel like a contradiction. That everything happens for a reason, but at the same time, the world is completely random and chaotic.

I don’t know what else to say. Goodnight. You are all beautiful people.