I’m feeling deep anxiety filled with existential dread, though it may be something else entirely.

Here are thoughts that have gone through my head today:

• It is time to take control of my life, but how do I do that without hurting those I care about?
• I changed because I didn’t want them to leave. It was never truly for them, it was for the fear of losing them.
• You are priceless.
• Please don’t base your value on how I treat you. You are worth so much more.
• I want everything, but do not deserve to experience anything.
• However, I understand that this mindset is not ideal. And therefore, want to regain confidence and acceptance.
• There is so much shame. Why do I want these things? Why am I stopping myself from having them? The denial builds resentment and hatred in my heart, which in turn affects others negatively. I do not want this outcome.
• I don’t think I ever truly learned to care and love. Not like I’m supposed to. I was just so afraid, so afraid to lose them. Neither of us could truly be ourselves.
• Now, I have put that onto you. The built-up resentment feels itself transferring to you.
• That is why I have to change something. I have to allow myself to fly away.
• Please let me fly away. I know I am the only one stopping myself, and it is only hurting other people.
• You are a stunning soul.
• Thank you for accepting me.
• I’m sorry when I can’t show you how much you mean to me.
• You deserve the world, the galaxy, the universe, the multiverse, and beyond.
• Please, do not value yourself on my words or actions because you deserve so much more.
• I love you.

Also, life is wild. And I am tired. So here is another picture.