I’m feeling deep anxiety filled with existential dread, though it may be something else entirely.

Here are thoughts that have gone through my head today:

  • It is time to take control of my life, but how do I do that without hurting those I care about?
  • I changed because I didn’t want them to leave. It was never truly for them, it was for the fear of losing them.
  • You are priceless.
  • Please don’t base your value on how I treat you. You are worth so much more.
  • I want everything, but do not deserve to experience anything.
  • However, I understand that this mindset is not ideal. And therefore, want to regain confidence and acceptance.
  • There is so much shame. Why do I want these things? Why am I stopping myself from having them? The denial builds resentment and hatred in my heart, which in turn affects others negatively. I do not want this outcome.
  • I don’t think I ever truly learned to care and love. Not like I’m supposed to. I was just so afraid, so afraid to lose them. Neither of us could truly be ourselves.
  • Now, I have put that onto you. The built-up resentment feels itself transferring to you.
  • That is why I have to change something. I have to allow myself to fly away.
  • Please let me fly away. I know I am the only one stopping myself, and it is only hurting other people.
  • You are a stunning soul.
  • Thank you for accepting me.
  • I’m sorry when I can’t show you how much you mean to me.
  • You deserve the world, the galaxy, the universe, the multiverse, and beyond.
  • Please, do not value yourself on my words or actions because you deserve so much more.
  • I love you.

Also, life is wild. And I am tired. So here is another picture.



mostly writing about my thoughts and experiences

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