People Give Me Life

I wish I didn’t loath being alone. And maybe loath isn’t the right word. I was going to say that I hate being alone, but that isn’t true either. Sometimes I need to be alone, so I can’t hate or loath it because it is good for me sometimes.

It is more of a dull realization that I feel terribly lonely, and when I am by myself it amplifies exponentially.

However, that is a very surface-level thought and doesn’t get to the reason behind why I never want to be alone.

See the idea of spending time by myself seems like something I should do. Overall, there are beneficial things that come out of it. For one, introspection; enough said. Two, from introspection, I can grow. Three, mental, emotional, and physical breaks from other humans is important for being okay.

So can’t I stand being alone?

Maybe instead of loathing being alone, I loath myself. Or at least parts of myself. So it isn’t the act of being alone, but the inability to escape me.

I think that is why being creative is so important. You get to do fun activities with yourself in a space where you can escape judgment. Or at least that is the idea.

When I do things it is better. However, I would like to create, learn, or have fun.

Fuck. I can’t right now. I don’t want to be here. And I want to be around people and it is so dumb that I feel this way.

*deep breath*

I am going to leave now. I don’t enjoy feeling this way. And I have to figure out how to be alone for a longer time. I can do a lot of things by myself, but I want and need to be around people. It is important for who I am as a person.



mostly writing about my thoughts and experiences

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