One Day at a Time

I haven’t written in a while.

However, I’ve thought about writing, so that counts, right?

No, I don’t think that is how it works.

All of that is in the past now. Granted, it will probably recycle eventually.

I can’t even recall where I was when I had last written. Probably a very dark place, scared and alone.

Panic still lives within me. But it is deep inside. Buried so far down that it rarely sees the light. I’m able to control it much better now. I know that I am safe, that my thoughts are safe. And even when they aren’t, it is okay because I am trying to get better. I want to get better.

Think about it, writing about it, makes me tense and on edge. Creates fears that I have to tell myself are not real. I can’t let these thoughts take over, so I stay busy.

And I have fun.

I see my friends, and I go to work. I do things “normal” people do. It is okay, and I’m happy sometimes.

My brother came up and stayed with me. I worry I project onto him. But I care about him, and I feel like I can be myself.

He likes hanging out with my friends too, which is fun. We got into playing a lot of magic and watched a bunch of horror movies. It is fun and exciting.

I’m excited.

Sometimes, when I feel this way, I begin to worry. Then I shut those thoughts down or at least do my best to not linger on them.

It’s hard. I still have my problems. Some of them, I don’t address. However, I want to feel good and be happy. I want to strive to be the best version of myself.

I often fall short, but I’m learning to get back up, even when I don’t always want to.

This summer has been so important to me.

There is always more to say, but it is time for me to fold into another dimension. Allow my mind to travel to distant worlds, or maybe come back to this one.

I want to create, reshape, or consume art.

I control my reality and how I see the world.

That power is terrifying but also amazing.

And I’m starting to lean towards it being something I am excited to explore, one day at a time.

Thank you all for reading.

I feel like I should have a fun little end message. That’ll be something to think about and work on later.

Goodnight humans and all other creatures of the world.

-Keira Waters