The energy in a public space always makes me feel chaotic. People traveling in and out, some simply passing by while others linger. Some energy good, some bad. But mixed in with mine it feels amplified and chaotic. I make it chaotic.
My mind gets wrapped up in thoughts and feelings, emotions beyond my own comprehension. I must be out in public, well that is based on perspective, but it is healthy to interact, no be around other individuals. If I hide away it makes the situation worse.
And maybe if I am locked away it would be better, but how does one survive and make a living trapped in their own home? I like it there, trust me, but I also enjoy parts of the chaos to escape myself while also being myself completely.
This information is vague and isn’t put together right, but exists in a way that I want to express.
Part of me wants to scream out into the world. This is me! Accept me, but I fear I will not be accepted screaming in a public area. That would be quite disturbing to the fellow people in the public space. I can imagine some individuals shielding their children from the crazy women shouting in the streets. It would be quite a scene.
Though I don’t want to have to be accepted by them. I want to embrace myself for who I am. For who I want to be regardless of what anyone thinks or feels. I want to be me entirely.
And in moments like this, I feel I can. But the feelings only last for so long. There is that glimmer of hope that exposes itself as a ray of sunshine escaping the storm clouds above. When will it start raining? And when will it stop? I just want to see the sun again.