From Scared to Excited
My brain is riddled with negative thoughts that I try to avoid, but I find myself not begin able to dodge all of them. And in my head, more thoughts pill up and fill all of the space that is left until I cannot escape them.
The thoughts say, “I am worthless. You are lazy. Nothing you do is good.” I try to hide from them, but they say, “You know I am right. Why are you trying to avoid the truth? Confront the reality that you are not a good person.”
But I so desperately want to not be bad.
I could rephrase that by saying, I desperately want other people in my life. Maybe that isn’t true either. I need to find a way to not rely on everyone else for my happiness.
What a scary place to be in.
I know I don’t want to cut everyone out of my life, but it is important to take time alone. And when I am alone be good to myself.
I’m scared to touch myself again. But maybe I’ll realize that I really can be alone. I just have to be good to myself. And if I am good to myself, I in turn will be good to others.
If I learn to love myself and be with myself, then I can teach others how to do the same.
That is very scary indeed, but oh how it is exciting.
Instead of being scared and overwhelmed, I can reframe my mindset. I am excited and chaotic in the best way.
Thank you all for listening. Have a spectacular day.