I remember being a child and being alone in my thoughts. I had built a kingdom in my head to protect myself from those who would hurt me.
Growing up, I had a lot of anger. I have never really been very good at communicating my emotions to people, even now, it is still something I struggle with.
However, I began to find coping mechanisms to deal with all of this rage I felt. Usually, it involved me being removed from the situation and in my room by myself.
In my mind, there are distinct flashes of memories that I have while being angry in my room. Most of which ended with me being able to calm myself and enjoy the time alone.
I remember being very small when you can still spend time comfortably in an average size closet when I was gifted a castle.
It was one that had trap doors, pho walls, secret passageways, and a bunch of different levers, cranks, and gears. The figurines were of mini, stocky men in battle outfits preparing for attackers.
This little playset has impacted my life on a level that I can’t begin to comprehend. It has allowed me to appreciate deception as a tool for defense. It has engaged me in the concepts of hidden mysteries and discoveries, seeking to create and uncover those mirages. While also, helping me find balance in a time where I feel my life is completely out of control.
Of course, at the time, I was thinking none of this. I was just playing. And I was happy to play.