Apr 27, 2021
A New Meaning of Life
I didn’t expect my life to go in this direction.
Though I suppose no one really knows where life will take them. The twists and turns pull at me. So many decisions left to make. I ponder on which direction I will go next. Maybe East? Then west? Then south, until land runs out. Maybe I will fly across the sea to a place where people speak in a tongue I have yet to learn. Only to realize we are all speaking the same language. That we all feel and breathe in the same way. We all have dreams and the desire for love.
Maybe that is naive.
Maybe I will travel across the world to only realize I have all I have ever needed within myself.
I seek adventure. I am driven to travel and explore. To go beyond and then go further. To reach the ends of the earth and know that I have been everywhere. Yet it is only the beginning. Because there is an entire cosmos out there still yet to be discovered. Even though I still have yet to discover myself, I can learn through the discovery of that which is other. For what is other is also me.
I want to be loved, but truly, I want to love. I crave to love myself, the universe, and everything that inhabits it. To love the air, the stars, and the dirt. To love everything and everyone.
Yet I confine myself to this identity of who I am. This identity brings pain and suffering, and deep down I feel that we are all the same. And that everything imaginable exists, but it is beyond my comprehension.
I crave to understand.
But will it all be for not?
Will my endeavors fail me?
Does it matter?
I don’t know who I am or who I want to become. But I want to love, discover, and create. To experience everything this life has to offer, but a voice still whispers to me, “You should be afraid.”
Afraid of what? Is it death? I thought so originally. But maybe it is isolated? Or being forced from society. From the fear of judgment and ridicule. For fear of not being accepted.
These are the fears I wish to overcome. I want to build my own world. I believe I can. But in building, I must commit. And the fear of failing eats at me. I want to live exactly how I want to and love myself fully so I can learn to love the world.
It doesn’t seem easy.
Maybe it is, but either way, I have to try.
“The world will crumble and burn.” The voice says.
Then let it. I reply.
Burn it all down. Because that means we can start rebuilding. And next time we will do it better.
